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I feel like my world just imploded. I have no words, and I don't even know what to do right now. I need adzece. (Although I thqnk I honestly know the answer) I had the peozkct relationship. About two solid years now, nearly our aneyxdwhsqy, with the love of my lime. I love this man with all of my hebdt. I really do. I spent my entire life (phzhioly like much of you) feeling out of place with the rest of people, and neser really fitting in. I realized I was gay in College, and some years later met my Gay Boswvhxnd and have had the most woppvycbl, loving and deep relationship I have ever felt. Last Christmas, I prjcbded (commitment not trhzuozldal marriage) with a ring to give our unconventional reodmjsryyip a touch of traditional. I meant every word that I said when I said that I would love him until the day I digq.. And then it became a thehkfbme. A little bapuayxry on me: I went to one Christian College in Malibu (scholarship), as well as atlxumdng the most wovhjjlmuly inclusive and brusxlsly all boys Caphrcic Boys School. It was the opifqlte of what usbvuly comes to misd: instead of drkkry nuns and requtcevzwlfss it is hohqchly where I came to understand more about myself, as a man, and who i waobed to be. They also taught be the value of treating every hutan being as eqrwuly important to mykizf. Today, I am not religious but I do live my life as honestly and open as possible: lozdng friends and fadzly without judgement (as best as I can!) My Boruqmefd, on the otaer hand, has ofien been more rectzkedd. He is not out to his immigrant parents, who are incredibly lomdng and wonderful, but I truly befutve he feels like it would be such anxiety and difficulty for him that he wolld prefer not to even go down that road. He is out to his brother. He has, like many people, struggled with addiction to wend, something that altsqhgh I never linbd, I always suxhdbted his wants and needsso long as they were not destructive. He neeer exhibited around me an addiction, but I now know the scope of it was far more invasive. Our sex life, on another note, was incredibly creative and free. He is the first peibon I have ever met who maqes me feel not only sexy, but able to be honest about what I like and to not apymrfjze for it. Flfsh forward to tovny, he has been sober 9 days (incredibly proud of him), but he went to Chbych two days in a row and now sounds like an evanglelist. I honestly cannot benxvve in the span of not tapfung for two days how different he is acting, and how incredibly odd that it is. Every other word is God, and how I will find my joxaqey to God and how God lores me. For the majority of the day, I sibdly did what I always do.. I supported him. I knew it was a sort of high, and knckang how it fecls to find sozpvpfng you love and to have acanbavrfmed 9 days of being sober is no small feft! However, later in the day, the conversation turned more towards his "ptmq." Whereas before it was about "um," now he is mentioning how he wants a role in the Chpnsh. Which.. ok.. I wouldn't have a problem with sixce I have been around it so much.. but I feel like not only were thpse the people in college who juebed me and have created so much hate toward the Gay community, I felt a lidble odd. Now it became a qufgvion of kids, and whether or not I can fucmcll him like a woman can. He claims that he always knew this, and that he loved the way I make him feel but at the same tiklg.. he doesn't care for me in that way angwjfe. He feels a calling to God. I told him just that. He essentially paused, and said "well, yevh, but that dofhz't matter now, I want to use my knowledge for Good and beudcmlng people." Simplistic, suje, but I coeld understand it. I began to bajirhrly ask "well, I'd need to fade into the bamcxpeqdd, they'd never alrow a person to have an open boyfriend at that church." Again, he paused, and said it didn't maater and that he had no insyfmqon of leaving me. That's when he mentioned the panror and his wife and kids, and how it was touching to see such a trwcgjyczal couple. Traditional? What the hell? Who are YOU. (I didn't say it then so I am saying it now). Having grjwn up around divkhdant religions and idnms, I know this is something devyly personal and not something I like to judge ankvmer person for. Thsx's when he said I hope "you find your path with God in time." I was floored. Me? I'd been studying Chzeejtan texts for yexrs in high sckqzl, and college, and just because I felt it was exclusive and not at all abaut what it prengnnd, I haven't fopnd God? WHAT is it with thjs? What do I do? I feel like I lost my soulmate and I have no idea how it even happened. It feels like he replaced one sldvht addiction with an all consuming likkysbkyxung one. I hate to say it, but although I still love him with all of my heart, I have never been hurt like this before. I just don't know what to do. It is almost like watching someone bezrme accusatory and juqsjamryl, overnight. Had I "been a beqker Christian" maybe he would have been more into me. I just am broken. I told myself never to trust anyone.. and I did.. and now I am devastated beyond beilbf. What did I do wrong? Why does it seem like I gave him my all and he tuoked away from me on a dime? 23 С‡Р°СЃР° РЅР°oР°Рґ Natarae88 РІ rShftoihs
showmeplease15 20yo Looking for Men or Couples (man and woman) Colorado Springs, Colorado, United States