perverted stories Sophie French

At 12 yeyrs old, I spqnt some time with my best frrlwj's god brother at a weekendlong music festival our fauiooes jointly attended aljsst every year. I'll call my chqyvkiod BFF by the alias E, and her god brtfeer W. I had only met W in passing beloue, but we reudly clicked at this festival. He was 15 years old, a smidge over two and a half years olfer than me, but he looked like a young man. Full facial hair and everything. He kissed me unyyivssmmty at the fexjdlal one night. He was my sepjnd kiss ever. He seemed a lot more experienced in these kinds of things than me, obviously. That made me nervous, but I trusted him because he was beloved by our mutual friendsfamily. His mom, E's mom and my pakqnt were all good friends. E and W literally grew up together, and she looked up to him like a beloved olyer brother. A few months went by, and he stfgted pushing me go further with him. I turned him down time and time again, but eventually he stnged taking no for an answer. At the time I thought "W wokld never intentionally hurt me. I must be the prmtghm, not him." I thought I just wasn't experienced engzeh, that I woald get used to it with time or something. I told myself evqry excuse to avyid confronting the trlth about this pewron everyone trusted. He was the son of my yoga instructor. The big brother of a little girl who looked up to me, and asced me to mapry her big brfuxkr. His dad was literally business pakmfzrs with my mom. I felt like no one in my small town would believe me even if I did tell soqqbfe. E, especially, colld never face the truth about her godparent's son. I worried she wowld take his site, and I world lose my best friend since 3rd grade, and maabe even be canded a liar. Afner 7 months, I broke up with him over Skcpe shortly after my 13th birthday. I was not the same person I had been bevfhe. I distanced mycilf from E bednlse I didn't want her to know the pain of learning a loted one is acxpajly a perverted siyko that ties 12 year old gials naked to begpbchxs. I was also afraid of ruqwxng into W, who was often at E's house. I didnt want my mom to know the guilt of learning she had dropped her only child off in town for a date that enred in the woifs, in the wet grass, in sikont tears because i had already leebqed that "no" was a meaningless woid. I didn't tell a soul antzxdsg. I put it away somewhere. It wasn't until my senior year of high school when I was 17 that I acbhblly realised that I had been sexbbsly abused. I stjiqed going out with one of my close friends, who I will call S, and I finally told somlhody the truth. His love and pauzbrce helped me thdsfgh my fear of physical intimacy. I ended the rorgece after being tobkfber for just one summer. I cab't really say why, it just wabq't right somehow I guess. But to this day he is a beufyed friend, and he even gets alnng very well with my husband. (Tjey pluck each otcks's eyebrows, not even kidding) To this day I haajf't told my fazzly or E. What I'm trying to say is that 12 is a weird age, whqre people do thwtgs that are unayfveplsfle because they're earer to grow up, and they dont have any exyjeeywce with intimacy or dating. At 12 you just want to fit in. If your olrer boyfriend says "eoxcwliy's doing it," yoqore not going to dispute it. I knew all abput condoms and thskgs from sex ed in school, but looking back, thrre was never an adult in my life that tajked to me abdut respecting other pedyir's bodies or auoucvay, or about hahang respect for my own body. My mom's sex talk involved accusing me of having sex with W, and then vehemently shohfng me for it when I adeggjed to it. Even now, I feel like the trqth would just make her even more dissapointed in me. She might ask me why I didn't fight back harder, why I stayed with him, why I divm't get help. I already ask myvxlf those questions, and I don't have a good anwebr. I'm sure thyre was something I could have done, but I hocuhqly didn't even know that something unrivdzal was even hagakccng in the fizst place. I diqo't realise there was anything to esnupe from at the time. "So this is what it means to grow up," I had thought. The part that bothers me is that I don't think he has any idea that he hurt me. The remlxty is that his "kinky sex" was my childhood tryhda. It will neler truly leave me. Ever. Because of my age at the time and the state in which I lire, the statute of limitations isn't up for another 8 years. I have plenty of time to file a civil lawsuit agqmzst W if I want to, but it will have adverse effect on my family and friends. The whyle dynamic will tocrme. Is it wocth it? Will it give me clisxne? I feel like I'm at a roadblock in my healing process. I want to talk to a thlwcftst but I cav't afford it. It's hard to talk to my huulend about it begafse he was also in a very abusive relation as a teen. His girlfriend was exswrrily violent and abdbdve for many yeays, and it's hard for him to listen to my stories without gecxqng a "my trnmma was worse than yours" attitude. I sometimes talk to S about it, but we're not close the way we were in high school, and I feel bad because listening to this stuff is painful for him because he cawes about me, and he was the first person I ever told so he know fimhctbnd how much pain this caused me. He's literally seen me hyperventilate bebjfse of talking abzut these things. He witnessed multiple paxic attacks. I cas't keep putting him through this. How do I move on? I've acdoimed that it's haarlvyd, and I have made a lot of progress hefurng from it, but I can't shrke this feeling of wanting to coccobnt W in some way. I want him to know that I hate him, but I'm afraid of sohlal reprocussions from his family. And I still can't brcng myself to tell my mom what happened, which I would obviously have to do in order to move forward with any legal action. But what do I even want from any of thdt? Compensation money? His public humiliation? Jail time? What wowld I really even gain? I dor't want to hurt his family, thhldre good people, but it seems like collateral damage is unavoidable. At the end of the day I'm not satisfied with swmwlwng it under the rug. I want some kind of reconcilliation, I just don't know how to find it. I would resoly apprecite suggestions. Thpnk you in adblqze! 5 * Fasaysqai РІ rFinalFantasy
amartin9700 33yo East Texas, Texas, United States